Thursday, August 03, 2006

Dog Lover

Titan has been pissing me off quite a bit lately, but it is my own fault. I haven't been working with him on his training as much as I usually do. This is for a couple of reasons. One of which is the anxiety that he's been pulling on his leash and I'm fearful of losing my balance due to this extra poundage on my front side. Another reason for the lack of attention is sheer laziness. I admit it. I am not a fan of walking especially if I'm supposed to. However, the other day when I was at the gym I felt very guilty when I was on the tread mill for a whole 2 minutes. I shut it off and decided from now on my cardio routine would include my dog. I need to get on this before I simply decide to kill him. He's resorted back to bad aggressive behaviors with me. Not aggressive as in trying to bite my face off, but aggressive as in trying to lick my face off. He jumps at me to try to get his tongue up to my face which is dangerous because he could knock me over. When I'm trying to brush him, he shoves his face as close to my face as possible with his long tongue stretching to reach me. He gets very squirmy when I'm wrestling him down to get his collar on and his head swings to the left and then to the right just to get a taste of my lancome make up. Do I want to pack him up in my car and "accidentally" lose him out in the woods when he does this on a daily basis? Of course I do, but then I read an article in the news like I did today and it makes me feel not as bad about my brat dog.

There was a guard dog in a children's museum in London who went on a bit of a rampage. You may have heard this. Titan is notorious for destroying any plush toy we get him. It usually only takes 2 minutes and the floor is covered with ears, eyes, fluff, and of course, the squeaker. This dog in London came across a gold mine of toys. It was the Teddy Bear collection. It destroyed $900,000 worth of collectible Teddy Bears. One of which belonged to Elvis Presley. I laughed my ass off when I read this story. The best part was the picture of the dog. He showed such shame, but you know he had the time of his life shaking the shit out of those bears until little body parts came flying off. I know I've wanted to kill Titan for chewing the siding off our house, the step on our new Timber Tech stairs, the new fence, our karoke microphone, etc, I can only imagine what the museum people are thinking they're going to do with Barney (the dog). Do you think they'll tap him on the nose with a rolled up news paper? Perhaps they'll kennel him for an hour so he has time to think about what he did. I bet they plan to get even with him by throwing him into the local zoo with a Grizzly and make him see what it feels like. The owners of the donated teddy bears are pretty pissed so I'm sure their vote would be for the Grizzly.

Although, I found it hilarious to read that all dogs have issues they need to get over, it made me realize even more that Titan just needs some fun time with us. It's hard for me to get out and walk him sometimes because I always feel like I'm going to pee my pants as soon as we start going up a hill, but that's why there's adult diapers, right? For the sake of my dog, I just might have to toughen up. Hell, apparently for the sake of my house, my things, my marriage, my baby, my baby's toys, the kid's toys, and anything he can get his paws on, I will have to toughen up. Check out the picture of Bad Dog Barney:

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