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Saturday, January 28, 2012

When Kid Games Go Wrong

This morning Farrah wanted to play a game with me.  "Let's make silly faces!"  It's not one of my favorite games, but she enjoys it a lot and I think mostly because she's learned how to cross her eyes and thinks it's hilarious.  Well, we'd gone a good 5 minutes going back and forth, back and forth.  Finally, I went for a different tactic.  I proceeded to pull my lower lip out and then down...further and further and further.  "Mama, you're freaking me out. You're freaking me out! YOU'RE FREAKING ME OUT!!!!"  Of course, her face filled with terror only made me want to continue doing it even more and then add a little more by lifting my tongue back and showing my tongue veins.  I'm such an ass.  "STOP IT MOMMY!!! I DON'T WANT YOU TO RIP YOUR LIPS OFF!! DON'T PULL YOUR LIPS OFF OF YOUR FACE!!!"  I stopped and started to scream laugh so hard.  And my poor fragile daughter began to cry.  I had to explain that I wasn't going to rip my lips off my face and they were back to normal.  No harm done.  Then she said, "I was afraid if you ripped your lips off your face you would die."  I'm SUCH an ass.  Big hugs after that and a promise that I wouldn't try to pull my bottom lip out ever again.

However, I reserve the right to pull my bottom lip out as far as I can should she be disrespectful or not minding me.  I'll remind her how awful she's being with the threat of ripping part of my face off.  I'm not sure who wins there though.  But I'm sure it takes less energy than a good ol' fashion scolding.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

OMG...Did this just happen

This literally happened to me less than 30 seconds ago, but it shook me to my core enough that I needed to post about it because it's that important.  I was looking for 3 inch pens for a project I'm working on.  An ink pen about the size of those little promo flashlights.  You can picture what I'm saying, right?  Well, I read through some of the sites that popped up on Google and none of them said anything.  However, one did say 3 inch pens.  So, of course I clicked on it.  And what should appear but a 3 inch PENIS.  Seeing a penis doesn't shake me to my core, but seeing it in a public coffee house where the potential of others seeing the 3 inch penis on my computer screen DOES shake me to my core.  Ooops!  "X" out of that page and pray to god that no one just saw that.  Let me say, it was only about 10 minutes ago that I had people sitting within eyesight on either side of me.  Luckily, I was alone when the 3 inch penis reared its ugly head.  Tee hee.  Gross, but funny.  Apparently, I have to be more specific in my search category.  "Pens" is short for "Penis", I guess.  Had no idea.

Thursday, January 05, 2012

Sleep Over

Farrah had a sleep over at her friend's house a few weeks ago, but we decided it was our turn to have the sleep over at our house.  The two girls are very fond of each other and love to play together, but of course there's always going to be incidents.  The first one was the dead bird.  I saw them going up and down the back deck and then huddled together in a chair.  When I was on the phone, I had to quickly excuse myself so I could tell the girls to put down the dead bird and stop petting the poor thing.  "We want to bury it." was Farrah's response.  "I wish I could take it home to my house." was Audrey's.  Eww, eww, eww.  My response:

"DROP IT! DROP IT! DROP IT!"
"Come inside. DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING!"
"Come wash your hands. Don't touch ANYTHING!"
"Please don't touch that bird again. I know it's sad, but it's a little gross too."

Next...AGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!  On the phone again, "I gotta go, gotta go, gotta go!"  "MOMMY!!!  AGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"  Tag + slammed doors + little fingers = no bueno.  While Farrah was okay and survived with all fingers intact and no broken bones, she was not a fan of the ice on the hands.  When a 4 year old friend, says she's sorry...they mean it, but more for fear of getting in trouble.  How do I know this?  Because Farrah had the same sort of apology for Audrey later.  They were arguing because Farrah wanted to sing "Circle of Life" from The Lion King, but Audrey wanted to actually watch the movie.  So during their argument, Farrah threatened to eat Audrey.  Audrey came downstairs crying and Farrah was freaking out and screaming "I SAID I'M SORRY!!!"  She wasn't.  So, I had to clarify whether Farrah intended on using salt and pepper when eating Audrey or not.  This made them laugh.  Then Audrey said she's bitten herself before and I asked her how her arm tasted.  Not good.  "See Farrah, not a good idea."  I got them to settle down for now, hope they're out for the night.

Nightmare 2

I thought I should share about this nightmare that Farrah had, since she's only had a small handful of them. The first one that was shared was about me...this one is about her Daddy.

"I had a bad dream last night.  It was about Daddy.  He was in a chair and there were monsters all around him making this face" (She proceeded to make an angry face showing all her teeth).  "They were putting salt on him.  I think they were going to eat him.  They put tape on his mouth."

Ick, I know.  But this will probably be the last of the shared blogged nightmares.

But there was a baby doll one with the red light.  That one freaked me the hell out.