Monday, July 31, 2006

It Hurts

My body is telling me to get ready for a growth spurt. My ligaments are tight and sore and my hips have been slightly cramping up. I haven't gained a lot of weight and my mom has warned me of the balloon effect. Holy lord, I don't want that to happen. Gradual is preferred. Just in case, I've been using the vitamin E oil like no one's business. Twice a day. I was using the cocoa butter for a while, but it seemed to just sit on top of my skin while the vitamin E absorbs real well. I'm hoping I can put off purchasing maternity clothes for a while longer. I did go into Motherhood Maternity at the Alderwood mall and what a joke that was. I was looking for a tank top. That's all. Nothing complicated. The type of tank tops they had there were ridiculous. They wouldn't even cover the belly! What the hell?!! I had to ask the girl behind the counter about this silly piece of clothing thinking maybe it had mistakenly been left here from Gap Kids. "Oh, the tank tops are designed that way with the intention that you would buy one of these blouses to go over the top." You've got to be shitting me. This was the weekend that it reached 100+ degrees. I reminded the girl of our weather forecast and asked if she thought it was realistic to make us layer when our body temperature is a degree or two higher than normal all the time. She looked at me like I was retarded. No, she was. She was about 17 years old and had never been pregnant nor had she had to get creative with her wardrobe to cover her new big belly. She didn't seem to understand that it isn't "cool" to show off this big bump of skin for the whole world to see. I hate showing skin like that. Yuck. I went down to Anchor Blue and bought several Tank Tops, T-shirts, and blouses that will last me for quite a while. They were inexpensive and long enough to cover me well into my 6th, 7th, and possibly 8th month (when I go shopping, I push the fabric out around the belly and the boobs so as to prepare for the inevitable). I love that the fashion of tunics is in right now. It makes my shopping less expensive and depressing. Now I just need to look at getting some jeans because the top button of mine were hanging on for dear life. I don't like to be cruel to my clothing. I figure if I'm nice to the clothes now, they'll be awfully forgiving when I get to wear them after my girl is born. There's always a little give and take in every relationship, even with your clothes.

Friday, July 28, 2006

Hello, Baby Moo

Drum roll please...

We are having...


I can hardly believe it! When Mike and I were at the ultrasound appointment and trying to determine the sex of the baby, I was looking hard for a pair of balls. Although deep down I knew I was going to have a daughter, Mike's track record consisted of sprouting boys. After waiting a good 20 minutes, the ultrasound technician announced, "Well you two, it looks like you are going to have yourselves a little girl." Tears. Lots of tears. Tears of joy, tears of relief, and tears of pride. The first thing I said was, "Nice work, Mike." Mike was squeazing my ankles. It was the only way at that moment we could hug.

When I started writing this, it was Friday, July 28th. It is actually July 31st. I can't seem to change the date on this blog, but I didn't want anyone to think that I was retarded with my dates for the next little story to follow.

Telling the Grandparents...

We had invited the grandparents on both sides to dinner on Saturday night along with the big brothers-to-be, Alex, Nick, and Corey. Mike and I had put together baskets the night before wrapped in a blue satin fabric and tied with a yellow ribbon to throw everyone off. Right off the bat, we fooled Alex. Ha. Ha. Ha. The Host had placed the baskets on the table so when we all arrived, that would be the first thing everyone saw. We settled in, ordered appetizers and drinks. We told the Grandmas that they got to open their baskets but had to at the same time. Rita was sitting next to me and my mom was sitting next to Mike. As the baskets were opened, I felt a bouncing to my left. Grandma Rita was thrilled! It's a girl! It's a girl! It's a girl! Big hugs. My mom was expressing how she knew it had to be. She kept having dreams about little girls. My mom is very intuative. Inside the baskets were a real looking doll dressed in pink, with a head band, a bib that said, "Thank Heaven for Little Girls", a pink blanket that said, "Sweet Girl", and a pink stuffed animal or rattler. Alex was thrilled. Throughout the whole dinner we could hear him saying, "I am so happy," or "I am so excited," or "Thank God it's a girl," and of course "I'm going to be such a protective big brother, I can hardly wait." The excitement and enthusiasm was so wonderful to hear and feel. Thank you, Alex. You added a lot to that night.

Mike then made the announcement that we had her name picked out and we wanted to share it with everyone. However, the rule was and is, no negativity and no jokes (that was meant for my dad because he enjoys making jokes). We love her name. If we could fill out the birth certificate or get her social security card going, it would be on it. is set it stone and you can't make us change our mind. No poo pooing on our little girl's name. Mike handed cards to the Grandpas and both opened and read the card to themselves. The smile on my dad's face was priceless. He said, "I don't see anything to make fun of. It's perfect." The Grandmas were very antsy and wanted to read the cards. Everyone loved it. I have yet to hear anything ugly from anyone who matters.

It is a beautiful name and flows perfectly. It is a name that everyone has heard, but we highly doubt anyone will have the same name as her. It is not trendy nor has it been on the top 1000 name list with the department of Social Security in 15 years. It's unique.

If you want to know what her name is, feel free to email or call me. Like Mike said, it doesn't do it justice to simply write it down. Hearing her name makes her real. However, it is beautiful written down.


Hint: It means Lovely and Pleasant.

Well, here she is. Our little girl.

Thursday, July 27, 2006


Mike and I know what we are having but we aren't saying anything just yet. We are taking the grandparents and the brothers out to dinner on Saturday to share the news. We're deciding to go about it this way because when we told everyone we were pregnant in the first place, it was very informal and impersonal. We were so excited we just made phone calls. We want to present them with a more meaningful way of introducing our baby to the family. It should be very fun.

At the appointment, the technician worked on measuring everything on the baby and looking for any abnormalities. Everything looks wonderful and perfect. She kept saying how beautiful the baby looked. We saw the creepy baby face that always looks weird in the ultrasound. I told Mike it looked like a cartoon puppy. The eyeballs in the sockets were huge. The baby was very squirmy and not all that cooperative at first. It kept those legs crossed as to not show any of its "junk" to peering eyes. Such a good kid. The spine looked very good, the heart had all the its chambers, the kidneys looked good, and the overall size of everything looked right on track. She measured a foot that was poking out. 1 inch! So tiny. That was to help us get a perspective of how big it really was. Also, saw it's perfect little profile and little nose. It's mouth and nose looked in great shape. When she finally told us what we were having, I could seriously hear a drum roll in my head. Mike and I both cried when we were told. It was amazing. We'd been waiting for so long to know what we were having and no matter what her answer was, we were going to be very pleased. It brings tears to my eyes and a big smile to my face to think about it now. The last time we saw our Baby Moo was when it looked like a peanut on the screen. Here we were seeing a little person moving around, waving, making a fist, opening and closing its mouth. It was such an amazing experience. Getting to experience this with Mike has been so beyond perfect. Not to sound too sappy, but we have so much love for one another, I can't imagine how incredibly loved this baby will be. It will be a very happy baby. We're both so excited, we can hardly wait to start getting the nursery going. Mike says he already has some plans that have been made to prepare the room and it will be a surprise. He's such a good man. His enthusiasm and excitement warms my heart and I love him for that more than he'll probably ever know. I wouldn't have wanted this with any other person.

To my husband, Mike: I love you and thank you from the bottom of my heart for our family and for just being you.

Lump in the throat.

By the way, the baby currently weighs 8 oz. I will post pictures later.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

X or Y?

Today we had my doctor's appointment for checking up on my pregnancy progress. I am growing slowly, but surely. I've gained a massive 5 pounds total in the pregnancy!!! Yeah, I know that sounds retarded. Don't worry, I'm sure it will all hit me hard at once and I'll have a panic attack over how quickly it all came on. My cervix is right below the belly button. In fact, I've noticed the shape of my cute little belly button changing. I'm not a big fan of outies. Sorry to any of you out there than might have one, but yuck. Obviously, I'm not looking forward to what awaits my button.

My appointment went well and everything looks great and normal. It was funny when the babies heart rate was being checked. It was beating somewhat slow and Mike had asked the doctor, "Isn't that beat slower than normal?" Just as he was finishing his sentence, the heart beat went up. I told him that the baby recognized his voice and was responding to it. Cute.

Well, tomorrow is the appointment we've been waiting for for 18 weeks. We get to find out what we're having. Boy or girl, that is. Quite confident that it will be a small person. We've been going back and forth on what we want. We're constantly surrounded by boys so part of us wants a girl because we're totally boyed out. Having a little girl would be nice and different. On the other hand, with all the experience we have with boys, we will know what to expect and will know what to do. I'm am still in the mind set that I want our baby to be healthy. We've tried some old wives tales and gone by the Chinese Lunar calendar and I know what they all say, but you never know. Mike has already been on a roll with producing two boys. Maybe he only has 'y' chromosomes. There are so many that are predicting a girl, though. I don't know if I necessarily trust my intuition. I want to say it's a girl, but it could be because so many are guessing that's what it is. Whatever it is a boy or a girl, I'm very excited. I'm excited about the mother I'll be, the father I know Mike will be, the type of brothers the boys will be, and the overall awesome person our child will end up being. As the day comes to an end, I get some serious butterflies knowing first thing in the morning, we will know how to start decorating the nursery. Sorry, folks. I won't be able to announce what it is until after Saturday. That is when we are sharing with grandparents and the brothers. I sure hope I can keep that secret for that long. It's going to be tough.

By the way, as of 5 PM last night, the baby has been making itself known to me. It has been pushing me around from time to time. It's an amazing sensation.

Monday, July 24, 2006

My Husband, My Hero

This weekend we went to Wenatchee with Alex and some friends. We had quite the little experience there. It was 106 on Saturday and 108 on Sunday. Sunday, we decided to go rafting down the Wenatchee River from Cashmere to Monitor which is about an hour long ride. It is an area that people go tubing because the rapids are very weak this time of the year. We had purchased 4 plastic 2 man rafts with ores and headed out. The first trip down was very fun. Mike and I tied our boats together and hung out while we worked together to paddle away from rocks and tree branches. When we got to the end, Mike and I decided we were definitely going to go again. We packed our stuff, drove down to the drop off point, tied ourselves together again and were off. As we were settling ourselves in we noticed a bridge up ahead and a LARGE concrete pillar in the middle. As we were trying to decide whether we were going to go to the left or right of it, the current pushed us so fast we had no choice but to hold on. BAM! We hit head-on into the pillar. Honestly, I was picturing us gently bumping into it a few times until the boats were pushed away from it like if we were in a lake or a pool. How silly of me to think that the massive water coming behind us would just settle down a bit, just long enough so Mike and I could get readjusted. Nope. Both of the front of our boats went straight up and flipped. Off I went. The water was shallow enough that I could hit rocks to try to slow down. Mike had also been flipped out and suddenly turned into a real life Superman. He jammed his feet into some big rocks to brace himself, grabbed not only both boats, but one of my flip flops! He was standing there in the rushing water calling for me. I hadn't answered right away because I had gone under for a moment. First thing I said was, "ARE YOU OKAY?!!!" I worry about him like he worries about me. Can't help it. He told me to grab the boats. I went to grab it and a nice big splash went into my mouth and then I began choking and let go of the boat. At that moment, the thought, "Well, shit, this is how I go. Great. I'm going to be on the news as one of those stupid people who died in some tragic summer accident. This sucks." Mike managed to get to where I was and I found a rock I could push off of. I jumped on the raft and felt like Rose in Titanic. Here I was floating on the door while my husband floated in the icy water. He flipped one of the boats over so I could get in. Mind you, the whole time this was happening we were continuing to float down stream. Also, our friends, Talon and Ashley hauled ass to catch our ores and one of us, if need be. When Mike hopped in his boat, we both were making sure the other was okay. We both started laughing and saying Holy Shit! It obviously wasn't our time to go. I thanked Mike several times for saving my life, because he really did. He used his super-human strength to pull us out of danger and kept a cool head to instruct me what to do so I was safe. Did that experience make us never want to go again? Hell, no. We're looking into getting a bigger, stronger, and better boat that more people can fit in. An unbreakable and unflipable water craft. I can quite honestly say I can hardly wait to do it again. At least we know what to expect. Mike said I have to wear a life jacket next time, though. Yeah right. Those will be lovely tan lines. If I'm going to go out, I'm going to have sexy bikini tan lines doing it. I've already been given a ration of shit for going out there in the first place being pregnant, but give me a break. If you saw the rapids, you'd laugh. We just happened to get stuck in a bad area. I just love doing stuff like that with my husband, family, and friends. Plus, what a great exciting story to tell, right?

On another note, Mike received a text from his sister, Evie, who by the way, had her baby boy Oliver Z Graham on July 17th, saying that her son has his uncle's feet. Oh, no. Have you seen Mike's feet? I like to say Bilbo Baggins comes to mind when I see his feet. You know Bilbo, the Hobbit? Or perhaps picture in your mind, Fred Flinstone or Barny Rubble. Them are some feet. They stop cars, for crying out loud! What we're talking about is a somewhat normal size foot, with somewhat normal size toes until you reach the big toe. Whoa. That sucker is huge. Hey, seriously though. You can't knock it too much because it was those massive feet and that gigantic toe that probably saved both of us in that river. He was able to dig those suckers into the rocks, pebbles, sand, and mud like Fred would when he needed to come to a complete stop in a hurry. If it weren't for those feet and I suppose his strong back, strong arms, strong legs, and total determination to not let me float away and die, I probably wouldn't be writing this awesome blog. I thank my husband, Mike, again and again for being my husband, my best friend, my mentor, and now new to the list, my hero.

Oh, yeah...our sunglasses stayed on throughout that whole ordeal. Awesome.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Snow Angel

Last night was funny. Mike and I were in bed talking about the day and had the TV on pause so there was no sound coming out. As I told my story to Mike and as it grew funnier, I grew louder. As I got louder, Mike instinctually grabbed the remote to turn down the volume because the noise in the room was hurting his ears. Only since there was no noise coming out of the TV he was actually trying to turn my voice box down. He didn't realize what he had done until he noticed that the volume was all the way down on the TV but the loud noise was still piercing his ears. When he did come to realize that the remote wouldn't work on me, he pointed out what he had done to quiet me and we laughed our asses off. This is truly one of those "location" stories where you really had to be there.

Also, I did something not very nice to my baby last night. Lately, I've been feeling a little lonely that my baby only has said hello twice and the last time was two weeks ago. According to the books and websites, he or she should be swimming around there and letting me know that they're okay by now. I've poked and prodded, still nothing. I'm tired of waiting. So, I had had it. I rolled over and laid on my stomach. I waited and it only took about 30 seconds for my child to say, "UNCLE!" It was pretty awesome. It felt like my baby was making a snow angel against my insides. I woke Mike up and demonstrated the feeling. It was incredible. I've started off on a bad note with my child. I will push and be mean until I get my way even with my kid. Poor thing. Might as well get used to it early even while still in the womb. I will punish my child if he or she is not cooperating with me even if they are the size of a large pear.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Ass Breath

I am at my office right now, trying not to gag and ultimately barf in my garbage can under my desk. My boss is having a meeting with a couple of men who hate tooth brushes, tooth paste, mouth wash, showers, soap, deodorant, shampoo, washing machines, and laundry detergent. The office is smelly. It is thick with the stench of dirty old men. By dirty I mean "dirty" with dirt, grime, and anything yuck, not perverted. The reason I titled this entry Ass Breath is because they've been talking for a good hour or so and I can only assume that the majority of the smell is coming from the green clouds floating out of their mouths. However, there was a moment I had to walk past one of them and I had to hold my breath. He wasn't speaking, he was just sitting and being smelly. At one point I had to open the front door and stand there taking in some fresh air that actually wasn't that fresh because the trucks outside were releasing the smell of diesel. However, it was better than what was lingering in my office. I've had to walk around with my hair in my face to smell my shampoo rather than the stink of death in here.

C'mon people. Showers are a good thing. Soap is good, too. Dentists aren't all mean. If someone has to back up when you're standing near them or talking to them, take it as a subtle hint. Those men weren't taking any and I'm sure they never will. If you look like Pig Pen from the Charlie Brown cartoons when you look in the mirror and there is a big dust cloud around you, it's time to consider readdressing your hygiene techniques. They're farmers and they are set in their ways. Unfortunately, the rest of us with noses must suffer while they walk the planet opening their mouths, raising their arms, sweating, and just being icky. Okay, now that they're gone, I can focus on something else that might gross me out. When I discover it, I'll share it.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Size of the baby

Every time I've looked in one of my many books or onto any of the websites to get an idea of how big the baby is getting, they always refer to food. Why? Right now the baby is the size of a Deli Pickle. A little bit ago it was a small apple, before that a lemon, and early on it was about the size of a gummy bear. Do they use these analogies because many pregnant women are thinking about food? Why don't they use office supplies? A lot of us who are pregnant are still working up until the big day. I'm surrounded by office supplies all day so I'm constantly thinking about those items. Why don't they tell me my baby is the size of a small roll of tape? Next week it will be the size of a stapler. A few months from now, the baby will be the length of a three hole puncher and I will be the size of a large computer monitor. I can relate to all of that. I have to say that early on they did mention the weight of the baby was that of 3 paper clips. Cool. I was able to open my desk drawer and hold the paper clips and see how heavy my baby was. Precious.

Friday, July 14, 2006

Debbie Downer

I'm having a boo hoo kind of a day today. Poops in the pants, if you will. Now that I've got that off my chest, I will try to have a better day.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Books, Books, Books

I looked at my nightstand last night and realized that I have an enormous amount of reading to do. Not only have I decided to get myself several "How to be Pregnant" books, but so did my mom. There is a stack of about 6-7 books on my nightstand, 5 in my nightstand, 1 on the bathroom floor, and about 3-4 floating around downstairs in the living room. Those are just the baby books. I have also started reading a book my brother gave me, The Slaughter House Five, which I've been looking forward to, but I constantly get distracted from reading it and have only made it to chapter 3. (Sorry, Steve, I'm trying) I am also in the middle of reading Excuse Me Your Life Is Waiting for the 5th time. Anytime I feel like the shit is piling up and it isn't all good, I grab that book to help put things back in perspective. I guess it's our Moody Bible.

What's funny, is I am actually reading EVERY single one of those books. They've all morphed into one. My baby, which has 50,001 names is forming finger prints and is floating around amniotic fluid like crazy. It will be the happiest baby on the block because it knows how to manifest good things in its life although it has to deal with the holocaust and WWII. It will have fabulous communication skills and will know how to use sign language to talk to us. Awesome.

Most of the books are the week by week pregnancy books. I grab each of them and read what week I'm at and compare each chapter. However, I realized last night that I might need to consider jumping ahead to find out what's going to happen to me 4-5 months from now instead of what to expect for the next week. By the time I reach the end of all of these books, I probably will have already had the baby and put it in preschool. I'm not one who likes to ruin an ending of a book by skipping ahead, but I'm pretty sure it will end with a big bloody mess in the hospital with a crying baby lying in my arms with my husband by my side. Maybe it won't end that way. Maybe the baby will be sleeping rather than crying. In any case, I have a lot of reading to do and not a whole lot of time left to do it. I still have to watch my birthing dvds, breast feeding dvds, and baby's 1st 3 months dvds. I know it seems early, but I'm pretty sure I'll be watching those horror movies more than 3-4 times. Time is going by so fast, I just realized we're almost half way there! Crap! I guess I'll just start getting to bed earlier and read about babies, watch movies about babies, and talk about babies and I'm sure I'll be ready. Right?

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Shiny Happy People

I'm starting to get that "glow" from my pregnancy. Why do they call it that? I think I just look a little greasy. It's an over production of my natural oils. It looks like someone took a basting brush and brushed a fine layer of butter over my face. Mmmm...butter.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006


So, I deleted my ranting about the 4th because I understand that I may have offended some people that I would never have wanted to offend. Of course, it wasn't directed to anybody I know. Not one. However, if anyone took it the wrong way, please accept my apology. The last thing I would want is for anyone to think I was bashing them when I wasn't. I will be more careful in the future so as to not upset anyone. Please remember that I write this stuff for entertaining purposes only.


Dear Kathy:

It has come to my attention that you made the conscious decision to watch a scary movie. Although it was against your better judgment, you thought that watching this scary movie in the daylight would make it okay. It did not. Don't you know better yet? Isn't there a scene from the Exorcist III where an old lady crawls on the ceiling like a spider that still bothers you to this day after watching it over a decade ago? You still keep your hand from hanging off the side of your bed for fear that someone or something will grab it and pull you under. Every night you have to make sure the closet door is closed so that nothing evil will come out. What were you thinking?!! You have the imagination of a ten year old. With that, you're doomed to have several nights of sleeplessness. Christ, you get scared from even the parody, Scary Movie. What's wrong with you? When you do get scared at night, you wake your poor husband up and make him face you so you feel a sense of being watched over. Not only that, there are times that you've had pets sleeping with you and in your crazy imagination you conger up the idea that if something entered your room to kill and devour you, you could throw the cat or dog at it as a quick meal while you got away. How selfish. Do your animals know that is the purpose they serve? All along they thought you loved them and wanted their company. Instead you use them as a get away tactic.

You're a total weirdo, Kathy. You watched The Ring and seriously counted down the days before the little girl would crawl out of the TV and get you. You watched White Noise and now you have to quickly shut off the TV if loud snow appears on the screen so you don't have to hear the dead person's voice coming through. Now you've seen The Exorcist of Emily Rose which wasn't too awful, and you are afraid to wake up in the middle of the night to take your ritual pee. Why? Because in the movie, 3:00 AM is the hour that the demons love to taunt us. What if you wake up to go to the bathroom and make the mistake of looking at the clock? And of course, this morning your husband says in his sleep, "What was that?" and what time was it? Well, 3:00 AM, obviously. Had you not seen that movie, would that have bothered you? Of course, not.

So I ask you now, please stop this stupidity. For the sake of a peaceful nights sleep, your husband not being bothered, and the good hearts of your pets, no more scary movies. You are only allowed to watch comedies and cartoons. That's it! Don't even think about trying the skill of changing channels and going between a comedy and The Ring 2 as a way of not really watching the scary movie. You have enough fear in your brain from stupid horror flicks that should last you the rest of your life. So, if your husband comes home with another for you to watch, just remember he always falls asleep before you do and leaves you alone staring at the ceiling and looking around the dark room waiting for something bad to happen. He can't help you when he's out cold and he doesn't always wake up right away when you're asking him to roll over and face you.

It's this simple: You are no longer allowed to watch scary movies. I would truly appreciate your cooperation with this matter.


Your Common Sense