Thursday, July 20, 2006

Ass Breath

I am at my office right now, trying not to gag and ultimately barf in my garbage can under my desk. My boss is having a meeting with a couple of men who hate tooth brushes, tooth paste, mouth wash, showers, soap, deodorant, shampoo, washing machines, and laundry detergent. The office is smelly. It is thick with the stench of dirty old men. By dirty I mean "dirty" with dirt, grime, and anything yuck, not perverted. The reason I titled this entry Ass Breath is because they've been talking for a good hour or so and I can only assume that the majority of the smell is coming from the green clouds floating out of their mouths. However, there was a moment I had to walk past one of them and I had to hold my breath. He wasn't speaking, he was just sitting and being smelly. At one point I had to open the front door and stand there taking in some fresh air that actually wasn't that fresh because the trucks outside were releasing the smell of diesel. However, it was better than what was lingering in my office. I've had to walk around with my hair in my face to smell my shampoo rather than the stink of death in here.

C'mon people. Showers are a good thing. Soap is good, too. Dentists aren't all mean. If someone has to back up when you're standing near them or talking to them, take it as a subtle hint. Those men weren't taking any and I'm sure they never will. If you look like Pig Pen from the Charlie Brown cartoons when you look in the mirror and there is a big dust cloud around you, it's time to consider readdressing your hygiene techniques. They're farmers and they are set in their ways. Unfortunately, the rest of us with noses must suffer while they walk the planet opening their mouths, raising their arms, sweating, and just being icky. Okay, now that they're gone, I can focus on something else that might gross me out. When I discover it, I'll share it.

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