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Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Confession

So, um, I'm not sure how to let the world know exactly what I did. I'm a little ashamed and can't even believe that I did this, let alone getting ready to tell my awful secret.

Well, here it is...

I took Farrah to McDonalds!!!!!

I'm so ashamed and fear that now that it has started, she will be one of those children that constantly begs to go there and has a fit if I say no. I've told so many people that I refused to ever allow this food into her body, and yet here I type while she sits next to me in her high chair dipping her greasy french fries in high fructose corn syrup filled ketchup and takes bites of her talon or beak filled chicken McNuggets. What have I done?!!! That's not all! I, too, purchased myself a filet o' fish. It is the only thing I can stomach at that place. At least I didn't order a Coke and go crazy and Super Size it.

Oh!!! Good news! She just said, "All Done!" She ate probably 10 fries and just sucked the ketchup off the nuggets. She must have started to realize it was possible that had she continued, she might bite into a toe or simply get gut rott.

I'm terrible.

Now, excuse me while I dig into my delicious filet o' fish.

Monday, August 25, 2008

August 24, 2008

It was my and Mike's 6th anniversary yesterday.

Lost & Trying to be Found

I'm not in a good place right now. There doesn't seem to be more times that are good over those that are not. That is an unfamiliar environment for me to be in. I am a believer in the law of attraction. There have been many times that I have felt that I have lost complete control over my life for quite sometime because I have forgotten how to make the law of attraction work for me IN MY favor. I have gotten to a place in my mind and in my heart where I focus too much on what I don't want to happen and I get it. It has happened time and time again, and now it feels like it is completely out of control. I know what I want. I know what I need. However, my brain keeps showing me scenerioes of what my life could look like in the next 6 months to a year, and I don't like it. It's not a place I want to be nor is it a place I have ever wanted to be. I need help. I need better guidance. I need to be able to remember how to get back on track so that the things I want will come. The things I desire will appear to me. I don't know how many more pills I can pop to make the sadness and anger go away. It's not me. I had been seeing a therapist for a little while, but he was unfamiliar with the way that I see the world and how much we actually are capable of controlling. Therefore, he was unable to truly help me. He would remind me to stop going to the negative in my mind, but how do you do that? If it pops in my head, is there really a switch to turn it around. If so, please enlighten me as to where mine is. I just don't know what to do.

There's hope, right?

Sunday, August 24, 2008

2008 Olympic Gymnist

Today, Farrah did a tumbling act for me. Down the stairs. I had just finished changing her diaper and got up to follow her out and toss it in the garbage, when she decided to bolt. Before I could even yell out her name (mind you she was 4 feet away from me) she was already sitting on the top step and leaning forward. I screamed her name as she went tumbling down the stairs. The first part of the fall was as if she was doing a summer sault and the rest was like she was rolling down a hill on her side. When she stopped at the landing, I was immediately holding her tight. It seemed like no matter how fast I was running down those stairs, I just couldn't get to her fast enough. I checked everything and nothing was broken. She had started to cry, but it was mainly because of how frightened she was. I couldn't let her go, though. It scared the shit out of me and so far all day, it has played in my mind over and over again like a movie. It would've ended on a much better note had she landed with a perfect dismount. No, but glad she didn't land with any broken bones.

Farrah, you'll be carried everywhere you go from now on until you leave high school. I'm not taking anymore chances like that again.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Bloody Nose

Two nights ago was my and Mike's date night. While it started off on a bit of a sour note, we managed to pull through, hit the reset button, and make the best of it. It started off with dinner at a Mexican restaurant. I basically just picked at my single enchilada and barely ate 4 bites. I've been on my antidepressants which have helped make my appetite almost non-existent. They make me a little nauseous and sometimes I get a nice little anxiety attack here and there throughout the day, which, too, make me nauseous. No worries, got my doctor on top of things so it should get better. Anyway, I'm getting a little off subject. A little. The plan for after dinner was to go see Tropic Thunder; something funny to lift our spirits. We walked to the truck and started having second thoughts. Neither of us was in the best of moods, and sitting in a movie that we would enjoy more if we were in a better state of mind, didn't sound as much fun anymore. So now what? Bowling? No. Tattoos? Yes. What? Cool!

So, we drove to the tattoo parlor next to our friend's business. We went in and asked all the questions to ask to get Mike's Tattoo done. He wanted Farrah's initials on his traps and neck. No problem. I, however, was told that the tattoo I wanted, I was not going to be able to get. I want my daughter's full name in cursive, wrapped around my left arm in a type of vine style. Nope. My arms have shrunk and I want to get them back to their normal size. Therefore, I was unable to get it done because when my arms come back my tattoo will look all stretched out and weird. Sooooo, no tat for me.

But, like hell if I was walking out of there empty handed. That's like spending time at the mall and not coming home with a new outfit. I've always wanted my nose pierced, so I figured what better time than now. It took so much time for me to finally do it because the thought of purposefully choosing to have myself stabbed in the face made me a bit faint. Mike was all prepped for his tattoo and finally joined me in the piercing room. I made him stick around and hold my hand because I didn't want to be alone. He held on while the woman stuck a metal bar up my right nostril and BAM! It was done. I was so worked up about the pain, that I almost lost it, but I didn't feel any pain, just pressure. Mike headed back to his tattoo chair while I was cleaned up. When it was all over, I looked in the mirror and was a little disappointed, but only because of the massive dried up blood under the post. I have one month until I can put a cute little diamond in. Can't wait! In the meantime, I do love it. It's fun and it's me.

Mike's tattoo turned out great and he decided to get one more on the inside of his forearm. He was looking at a couple odd pictures to put on that I wasn't sure suited him, so I suggested a dumbbell. The tattoo artist put it together and it turned out awesome. He received many compliments on it. Farrah, however, said, "Owie" when she saw his arm. Owie, was right!

Now, my nose itches because it's healing. I forget I have this new thing up my nose so when I go to scratch it... OUCH!!! I've had to twist it a couple times, too, because it gets turned around inside. I am getting used to it, though. A little scared to show my parents and Grandma. I'll tell them it's fake.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Smokin' Hot

Mike and I live in a community where the houses are pretty close to one another. When you are that close, you tend to know more than you want to know about the neighbors. You know who's fighting (probably us), who's doin' it (probably us), and you always know who's smoking. To our left, we have the couple who sits out on their deck early in the morning smoking, and at times, inside their garage. This is their way to make sure they aren't actually smoking in their house. Unfortunately, they don't realize that the smoke always finds its way into their home. The garage is so bad, when they open it in the morning to let their Cocker out to do her business, the stench is sooooo strong, you think YOU just had a cigarette. To our right, we have the neighbor's daughter who likes to sit out on their patio to have a couple smokes while on the phone or just while in deep thought. The problem that Mike and I have run into lately with both of our neighbors is the fact that it is over 90 degrees. We do not have air conditioning, so we, like so many others, leave our windows open to allow some "fresh" air in.

This is what happens...

"Ugh, it's soooo hot."

"God, I know. It's pretty miserable" --Picture us sprawled out on the couch.

"What the eff?!!! GOD DAMMIT!!!"

We are now running to the windows and slamming them shut. By the time we have reached all our windows that might be in the direction of the stink, it's too late. Our whole main floor is completely engulfed in cigarette smoke. Now we're pissed. Although, this is just an enjoyable habit of theirs, we are having to suffer breathing that crap in. It's unbearable. It sucks, too, because we actually really like our neighbors. But we stop liking them when we feel that they're being incredibly inconsiderate. They don't know that they are either. That's what sucks, because it's not like you can start screaming out your window that it's "95 effin degrees outside and to put out their God Damn cigarettes!!!", or to simply stink up their own house with the smoke. No, can't do that.

I really wish I could, though.

Friday, August 08, 2008

Delete

Why is it that we can't just go to a hypnotherapist to delete unhappy memories in our brains? I struggle from one day to the next with stuff that pops in my head. It stings and it hurts. Can't I have the memory to learn from but remove the heartache? One day I'll be in a fantastic mood and am great to those around me. Another day, sadness rolls in and everyone would be wise to stay clear of me. I know time heals. I just wish it would go faster...

Sorry to be bummer-girl.

Thursday, August 07, 2008

Work 'n Stuff

Mike and I had an employee who worked in the daycare that we had considered letting go for a while and finally had the opportunity due to plenty of reasons to, and getting a new employee to cover all of her shifts. The day to do it was this last Monday. Mike pulled her aside (but not in his office, because she would have cornered him and given him a long ugly sob story as to why she should stay) and told her that it was her last day. Very loudly she said, "WHY?!!" What started out to be a somewhat private conversation was now very public. Mike started to explain the reason(s) why and she got louder and angrier. Finally, he told her to get her stuff and get out of our gym. She was no longer allowed (nor anyone in her family) to even step foot in our gyms ever again. It was that awful. She then decided to go to our other gym in Marysville and make a bit of a scene with her mother, sobbing and freaking out, and saying that we didn't even give her a reason. Riiiiight. Apparently, her mother said, "We need to call the police! They have no right to fire you! They can't do that!" What? Fortunately for employers and unfortunately for employees, we can fire you because we hate your haircut or because you have bad breath. That's Washington. But we felt that stealing was a good enough reason. Calling the police...really? Maybe we should.

Well, she has a best friend who also works in the daycare. I was told to be ready for her to quit if we let the other go. I had a back up girl on the back burner just in case. Well, Tuesday the best friend didn't show up for work and within 15 minutes I had all of her shifts covered and everyone is happy with their new schedules. We all win! Tuesday was also payday. Since I didn't want to deal with either of those girls' bullshit, I decided to mail them their checks. I informed a couple of the other employees that kept in contact with them of this. No big deal, right? Apparently, it was. So, that best friend of the bad employee...she called me and left me two nasty messages on my phone. "You had better have my check waiting for me in 2 hours or I'm calling the POLICE! I know my rights! I'm calling the POLICE! You will get in so much trouble with L&I. I'll file a complaint with the POLICE! You're breaking so many laws with our breaks! It's illegal and I'm turning you in! If I don't get my check in two hours, you'll be hearing from my attorney!" Oh...my...God. What a freakin' weirdo. This of course, made me laugh as well as piss me off. Did I fire her? Oh, no I didn't. She quit. Without a word, I might add.

I picked up my phone and called her right back. "Wow, it's pretty brave of you isn't it to leave such ugly messages for me on my voicemail. Let's see how brave you really are. Why don't you come on over here and say all those lovely things to my face. In fact, I'll get Mike over here so you can be sure to tell us both to our faces how you're going to call the POLICE and turn us in to L&I." Her response was, "Oh, I will. I'll come over there and you better have my check ready for me." "Well I won't because I already put it in the mail, so why don't you sit by your mailbox and wait patiently for the mailman to deliver it to you." "Oh, I will. And you better believe that I will also file a complaint with the Better Business Bureau." "Please do. Have fun with that and feel free to call them a hundred times, because we don't give a shit. Have a nice day." It makes me laugh again as I type this. She has an attorney? With the pay we gave her? She must be REALLY good at saving her money. While this was a bit of a thorn in my side yesterday, it was also a WONDERFUL blessing in disguise. I don't like being questioned about decisions I make and I don't like people who just want to complain, rather than giving friendly suggestions. As soon as the whining and complaining begins, my fingers are stuck in my ears.

Finally, today I had to take care of three days worth of deposits for both gyms. That's 6 deposits. That's 6 full days of accounting summaries that I had to go through and make sure was perfect (which none were). That's 6 different times that different people put the deposits together in different ways. This experience made me want to cry. For real. I have never been this frustrated at a job. Our assistant manager took her maternity leave on Tuesday, and I have to do her job as well as mine. That is A LOT of work and A LOT of responsibility. It was a bit overwhelming. However, the good side to it was that we learned that we either need to retrain some people or send them on their merry way. We hope we can simply do some retraining because we really do like our employees. The ones we have now.

Whew! That's it for now. I'm so ready to take on tomorrow with a positive and optimistic outlook!

Oh, Gold's Gym...

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Really...I'm Not Stupid

Our assistant manager took off for maternity leave yesterday. That means, not only do I have to do my daily tasks including managing people, I also have to take care of all the "behind the scenes" stuff. Two people's jobs. I started working on some of the stuff that is on Kelly's desk and I thought my brain was going to explode. I had to call her at least 7 times and send several text messages. I was working on our deposits from both gyms for the past couple days. It's not the first time I've done it, but it has been quite a few months. Of course, I ended up having to go through paperwork and money that an idiot put together. By idiot, I mean someone who can't count, who can't put together a contract, who can't calculate taxes correctly, and can't print out the appropriate paperwork. I decided to just throw in the towel for the day and pick up where I left off first thing tomorrow morning. If she hasn't already pushed out her baby, she'll probably get a couple phone calls again. I'll figure it all out soon so people don't think I'm retarded. Stuff that should take me 45 minutes to an hour to do took me 3 and I still didn't finish. I have a lot to learn about what others do around that place. When I do, I know I'll be a more effective manager! This is a great opportunity!