Saturday, December 17, 2016

Dear Farrah - A Decade of You

Dear Farrah:

I am writing this while you are still a single digit, but only for one more day (and only for a couple more hours).  Tomorrow marks the anniversary of you entering my life and being the best thing I've done.  It has been ten years of amazingness with you.  What can I say that I haven't already said a million times about you?

You make me smile, you make me cry, you make me laugh, you make me think, you make me mad, and you make me thank god every day that you are my kid.  There are times you make me want to rip my hair out and question everything I'm doing wrong as a parent, as a woman, and as a mother - but you also remind me of everything I am doing right.

You are an old soul.
There is wisdom that comes out of your mouth that astonishes me and I'm not sure where you're getting it because it is beyond what a normal child your age says or thinks.  You know more than what you let on and I see it in your eyes.  Your little mind questions everything and you don't let anything get past you.  We have had conversations that you don't like to have and you get mad at me and I get mad at you and you blow my mind when you say things like, "I'm allowed to have an opinion."  I am forced to stop and actually look at you like you're almost a young woman and not just a little girl and it freaks me out!  Yes, honey.  Yes, you are allowed to have an opinion and I am so proud of you for saying that.  (However - you're just not allowed to have one with your jaw jetted out like that with fire coming out of your eyes and your hands on your hips.)

You're a nerd.
I love this about you!  You read and read and read!  And you are so excited to tell me about the book you're reading, how many pages you read today, how much you love the author and you want to read more and you're sad the series is almost over.  What will you read next?!  You enjoy sharing what you learned at school and you love when I add more knowledge to the subject.  (Remember when you said you were learning about Mars and I told you there was a face on it?  Cool stuff, huh.).  You complain that you can't do math and you don't like it.  But guess what?  You can do it and you might like it!  You're embarrassed that you had a day or two when you went to your teacher 15 times to ask questions about long division?  Oh my god, kid.  I'm so proud of you for knowing that you can ask your teacher for help because after the 15th got it and it clicked!

You've got style.
You love your clothes, but more importantly - you love to make your clothes into your own unique "look".  I'd never step out of the house with mismatched knee high socks going over my leggings with combat boots, but you somehow pull it off and make it look cool.  It's like you've looked at the pictures from when you dressed yourself when you were 3 or 4 years old and said, "Hey, I can make that work again."  And you do!  What??  You're like the 21st century Punky Brewster.  Don't know who that is?  It's okay.  Anyone reading this will know and get what I mean.

You're bullheaded as hell.
While I'm working on this personality trait of yours and it makes me see red most of the time - there's a part of me that is glad you're this way.  You will learn to channel this as you get older and use it when it's more appropriate, and that's why I know you won't take shit from anyone.

Then there's all the things that you're not aware of that make you, you...

When we're driving and listening to music, I'll sneak a peek in the rearview mirror and watch you sing along to my music that you claim to hate (and notice that you know the words by heart).

I see you walk around the house with a book in your hand, reading, and trying to do whatever chore was asked of you.  And I just don't have the heart to ask you to stop reading so you can do what you're supposed to do faster with two hands.

Almost everything I cook is "your favorite" and I'm grateful that I can cook and you actually enjoy it.

When you don't feel well, you need me to be with you and snuggle with you.  I hate it when you're sick, but my heart melts that you need me, still.

Sometimes you want to sleep with me and I don't say yes as often as I used to but it's because you're getting so big and you kick harder now.  Now, you have to make a little fort next to my bed for you to sleep so we're still in the same room.

And my favorite...when you're asleep, sometimes I still come and check on you and steal an extra kiss good night like I did when you were a baby.  I whisper how much I love you and comb your hair out of your face with my fingers and look at you like I did the day the doctors handed you to me.  I'm still in awe with you.  I look in your eyes and I see mine reflected back and I am simply amazed.

I can not believe my little girl is turning double digits.  My heart is tangled by so much joy and a little bit of sadness because of the realization that time goes by so fast.  When we talked about this being the last day she will ever be a single digit ever again for the rest of her life, even her face reflected that of sentimental sorrow.  I remember when she was a baby and I couldn't wait for her to talk so we could carry on a conversation.  Now, I want the clock to slow down because now she has so much to say!!

Farrah, I see only great things in your future but that's because you are so great.  You've seen and experienced quite a bit in your young age and I'm sorry for some of it, but grateful for most because all of it has shaped and molded you into who you are and who you will become.  While you've earned the extra nickname "Turd" the older you've gotten, you are and will forever be my "Kitten".

I love you, Farrah Raquelle the stars and back, forever, infinity.