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Friday, November 03, 2006

Cuddly Softness

Yesterday, I decided I had had enough of feeling constricted in my clothing. I went to the Everett (Ghetto) Mall to check out what they had in the maternity section of Old Navy. I tried some maternity jeans on and figured they felt good and looked like shit. Oh well, I bought them. While there, I found a cute, fuzzy zip-up one-piece for a newborn. It was super soft and fuzzy with footies, built in mittens, and a hood that had bear ears. I had to get it. I decided this was going to be Farrah's "I'm on my way home" outfit. We'll put her in a onesie with a hat and then wrap her up in this cuddly thing. It'll be like bringing home a kitten! Seriously, it will be the middle of winter and this thing is easy to get a child in and out of, plus it's so fuggin' cute. Mike agreed and therefore it will be so.

I continued shopping, thinking maybe I could find some tights to wear under my clothes while it gets cold out. Perhaps, even find some cute drawstring pants at Macy's. I found some sweet oldschool tights (the kind you put on a little girl under her little Christmas dress), some green cargo pants and a pair of jeans. The jeans are super fun and so are the cargo pants. I forgot about my ugly maternity jeans. I will be returning those. They're awful. I'm not a mom yet and they look like mom-jeans. You know what I'm talking about. It gives you a nice frontal-butt and makes your real ass look round and flat. Very unflattering. I don't get it. They also make you look pachook. "Pachook" is a word that my brother came up with with his hockey teammates years ago to describe a person (particularly a woman). They came up with the word back when the style was to wear stretch pants. Some women would wear their stretch pants and it looked like they had filled their pants full of shit. They were tight around the legs, but around the ass it was flat and saggy; no flattering shape whatsoever. Pachook. This is the look of maternity pants. Not only do you have a full belly, you have a full load festering in your pants. This makes you look like you clearly have issues going on in both of your "ends". Are we waddling because we need to balance the new weight sitting in front of us or are we trying to make sure we don't get any on us while we quickly try to make it to the restroom? That's just what it looks like.

My new pants hug my larger-than-usual ass nicely. They do not make me look like I pooped myself. That is why the maternity pants are going back. I don't want anyone to think I need Depends.

3 comments:

Mike Moody said...

My comment is to whomever left the other comment. Don't you just love to be anonymous? You get to say whatever you want and people cannot judge your opinion, because we have no idea who we would be judging! I think wanting to look good no matter what is not the pursuit of perfection as much as it is the pursuit of happiness. We all look into the mirror wanting to like what we see. Maternity clothes generally look like just that. Something one would only wear while pregnant!

EvieG said...

Why does anyone care what Kathy wants? Enough to comment about it? That's too bad. She will have to figure things out for herself. If you have ever been pregnant, and it seems like you have or else you wouldn't really understand what you were commenting on, then you would remember what it was like to discover what works for you and what doesn't. Yay for vanity! It's probably what got ya knocked up in the first place, so good job!

Jen. said...

"To each his or her own." Hey Kathy, have a GREAT day!