Thursday, September 07, 2006

What's Happening?!!!

New things are happening to my body. Are they pregnancy related? I'd say so. Heartburn. Oooh, heartburn. It's pretty unpleasant, but is to be expected when you have someone about a pound in weight using your stomach and intestines as a rocking chair and ottoman. Several blogs ago I wrote about how I have to burp a lot. I have to sit up and help the little bubble find it's way out of my mouth. Now when I do that, I get a little surprise at the end. Up-chuck. Yes, I throw up in my mouth a little and send it back down where it came from. It leaves that nice burning sensation in the back of my throat. Luckily, it doesn't have that taste that bile usually leaves behind. It's quite gross, but definitely a treat I can hardly wait to share with my daughter.

My next body changing experience is one that I'm putting out there to completely humiliate myself with. I had said in my profile, "Let's hope for something gross and funny" but I left out embarrassing. Let's be honest, if you can't laugh at yourself, can you truly laugh at others? I know I can, but I'll still share it. For the past few days I've been fighting off a cold. I try to look at it more like a combination of cold and allergies so that I'm not totally convinced that I'm sick. With the cold portion of my ailment has come a cough. It's rather annoying and I feel like I have to clear my throat every 2 minutes. Well, when one coughs, there is usually some strong bodily force. Now, when pregnant you build up extra gases in your body. (Can you see where this is going?) Yesterday and today I have experienced the joy of being forced to fart when it is not appropriate due to my cold. Not outside, not in the bathroom, and not in the privacy of my home. It's not at a time when it would be particularly funny like when sitting with your husband and talking about important topics and pushing one out there just to lighten up the atmosphere. No. These uncontrollable bursts would make their presence known while I would sit at my desk. One big cough followed by a pop out of my butt. Each time it happened (mind you it only happened 3-4 times) I would look around the room to see if anyone had a weird look on their face as if to say, "KATHY! Use the bathroom!" or see if any of them had a smirk and were ready to explode in laughter. No one knew! Joy! Oh, I am so lucky that my loud cough muffles my other bodily noises. Now when you read this, you can't sit there and think to yourself, "I can't believe she did that." because you know as well as I do, you've all done it. You've probably even been caught! Everyone has experienced at some time or another a moment when you have to relieve yourself from a very unpleasant stomach ache by letting some excess air out of your ass at a time you'd rather not. We've all done it, because we all have digestive systems and buttholes. It's just not that often that it is a topic of discussion. But isn't it a funny topic of discussion? Farts are funny, admit it. (Poop is too).

1 comment:

Mike Moody said...

Runny poop is an absolute riot. Seeing some poor soul loose a soupy load while wearing baggy shorts is by far the funniest thing I have ever seen.

When I was 5 years old, I pooped in a neighbors pool, and they had to drain it. I did it on purpose.