Telephone Etiquette

I have been given the task by a co-worker to bitch about telephone etiquette. We had a conversation about how people can suddenly become retards or ass holes when a telephone receiver is put anywhere near their ear and mouth. When I arrive at work in the morning, one of the first things I have to do is check the phone for any messages. Why, why is it that people feel the need to suddenly become speed talkers when they leave a message? I honestly only want to hear their message one time. That's it! However, these message-leavers find it necessary to quickly say their name, leave a slow and very long pointless message that almost always takes up a good minute or two to sit there and listen to before you come to the glorious moment that they finally leave their number. Suddenly, the person on the other end of the phone becomes severely drunk, slurring their words in panic/speed mode. They rattle off their number as if they just noticed someone getting ready to jump off a bridge and they need to quickly get off the phone and rescue them. The shitty thing about this is with the phone system that I have at work, I actually have to go through the torment of hearing that person's life story from the beginning until I try to make out the phone number again. Mind you, if it's bad enough, I could ultimately end up hearing that message 3 or 4 times before I finally make out the prefix. The stupid thing about these people leaving their ridiculously long messages, is that they will have to repeat themselves as soon as one of us calls them back anyway. Short and to the point is how I like to leave and receive messages.

It really irritates me when someone leaves those long winded messages and quickly leaves their number, when it is someone who works on phones all day. I work in real estate and therefore talk to people in escrow and title all the time. They pretty much have a phone attached to their face up until it is time to go home for the day. So, why is it that they of all people don't know simple phone etiquette? A lot of escrow and title people I talk to will leave their message and race through the number. They should know better. They should hate this as much as I do and know not to do it to others. Maybe it's their little payback to those that do it to them. I don't know.

It's also a treat to get people who call in on the other line who hate life. Haters. These brave souls choose to pick up the phone and decide to be a bully with you without even knowing why they're mad. When those people call they can always hear me chuckling on the other end and I know it just pisses them off even more than they originally were. I can't help but laugh at these idiots. Don't they know they won't get anywhere with that tone or attitude? I also like to take long pauses after they've said something so awful and retarded that it has to echo back into their ears for them to hear what they just said and feel like an ass hole. It also shows that I'm not going to react to their bad behavior. It's funny getting to see those same people in person later. I always ask myself how I think that conversation would have gone had it been in person.

Most of the people I know, know how to behave on the phone. However, if anyone would like to brush up on their skills, here are some little reminders:

1. Smile when you're on the phone. Everyone can hear a smile.
2. When leaving a message, speak clearly and slowly. Don't leave a long message. Short and sweet.
3. Be nice and friendly because you never know if the person on the other end of the phone has a screw loose and plans to kill you and your family as soon as they get off the phone with you.