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Friday, October 20, 2006

Shit Sandwich

As some may know, I work in a small office. There also isn't a whole lot of ventilation in here. So, when one of my co-workers brings her lunch from home, it can be quite the strain on my sense of smell. First, may I point out that I absolutely love this person. We get along wonderfully and laugh together a lot. Especially about her lunches. Infact, she knows I'm writing about this and has encouraged me to do so. Nancy likes to eat in the office and therefore packs her lunch everyday. For a while, it started off quite innocently with frozen lunches from the grocery store. She'd heat it in the microwave and there would be a lingering smell of sodium in the air for a good 10 minutes. It wasn't too awful because I could see the box and know what she was eating. There were no surprizes. After some time, she started bringing in other items. She started packing a salad. Seems like that would be quite benign, right? No. Nancy likes red onions. Strong smelly red onions. Sliced or diced, she loves them. I, on the other hand, do not. The second she removes the celephane from her bowl, the strong stench of onion floats from her desk to my nostrils. I, of course, have to make a comment to her everytime she does this. Sometimes when I've come in in the morning, I've seen a hard boiled egg sitting by the sink in the kitchen. "Please, Nancy, No!" Now we're going to add the smell of sulfer and farts to onion. Finally, she decided to start bringing in leftovers from the night before. "Oh, my husband made a wonderful pot roast last night." she exclaims with such pride. However, in my mind I'm picturing a big slab of fatty meat covered in shit sauce. Why? Because the second she takes it out of the microwave, that's exactly what it smells like. I've asked her if she accidently brought in Georgie's poop from the back yard instead of last nights dinner, because the whole office smells like cooked poo. Shit with green peppers and carrots. Yesterday, she heated up her meal and began to eat it when we were all suddenly asked to join the rest of the office for lunch. Thank god, because it smelled like Alpo in the office. Well, she didn't eat her leftovers yesterday because she decided to save it for breakfast this morning. I actually didn't realize she was eating when I announced that it smelt like canned dog food. She started laughing and said it was yesterday's lunch. I think she does this on purpose. I don't even think I've seen her eat this food of hers before. I'm going to guess that she seriously brings her dog's shit into the office and microwaves it just to get a reaction from me. If it looks and smells like shit, what is the likeliness that it is shit? Pretty good. Nancy, please stop torturing me with this on going smelly harrassment. I think we could be life long friends if you change your diet to water, crackers and peanut butter, raw carrots, and maybe even some cereal (cold, of course). Nothing that requires cooking and nothing that has any kind of smell whatsoever. Thanks!

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