Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Good God, NO!!!

Yesterday, I stayed home and took care of myself and the baby because of our nasty little colds. Pretty much the whole day, I chose not to watch any TV and just take it easy and get plenty of rest. Towards the end of the day I decided to put on a movie with our nifty little "On Demand" feature. One of the movies that was available was, "Clambake." Sounds filthy doesn't it? It's not. It's an Elvis Presley movie. I figured I'd put a cheesy movie on in the background while I did the dishes and worked on the computer for a while. Something a little innocent for my daughter to gaze at. Well, it didn't take long for my gag reflexes to start kicking in. I knew there was a reason I didn't exist during those days. I would've jumped off the closest bridge had that been the type of entertainment I'd have to live with.

Here are the scenes that I watched:

Elvis and some dude were driving down the road; Elvis on a motorcycle and the dude in a sports car. They were singing about how it's great to have money and how it's great to not have it. Okay, I get the point, but must it go on for 5 minutes? That's a long time for two men to be singing to each other while on the road.

Another scene was at the actual Clambake. Elvis started singing about the Clambake party he was at and out of the blue he grabbed an electric guitar and started to play. The weird thing was that the electric guitar played piano music. Is that what electric guitars sounded like back then?

There was also a scene with Elvis and a bunch of kids at a playground. He was singing a song about confidence. This horrible event went on for a good 10 minutes. 10 MINUTES!!! To drag the song out even more, he slowly spelt the word, "confidence." He'd say the letter 'C' and talk about it and then sing, 'confidence'. Then everyone ran around playing cowboys and indians. Not very PC if you ask me.

Finally, Elvis was in a boat shop putting a lacquer finish on a boat. His buddy walked into the shop and Elvis got mad and said, "You were supposed to be here two hours ago to help me get ready for the big race!" "Hey, man" his pal said, "I told you I'd be here for you and here I am!" Suddenly, two girls rush in wearing bikinis and they start dancing real hard. So hard, I was waiting for their noses to start bleeding. They were shimmying all over the place and doing the mashed potato and the twist up and down the stairs until they reached Elvis's boat. Suddenly, 4 more women walked in through some upper back doorway and start dancing seriously hard down the stairs. The whole time, Elvis was bopping his head.

I'm pretty sure, if I ever walked into some place in a bikini and started dancing and there was no music in the room (because you know they dubbed the music in later while in the editing room), I'd be locked away. I'd also probably get that bloody nose I was talking about.

In any case, it sounds like I watched the whole movie, which I did not. It was on in the back ground, but anytime music started I felt compelled to take a peak. Bad decision on my part. Oh, Elvis.

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