SOTC Promo

SOTC Promo
A new novel…by me

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Faux Pas

Did I accidentally walk into a time machine and warp back to the 70s? I ask this question because I have noticed many men displaying mustaches on their faces. Why? Are there that many women out there that find it attractive? Are they growing this thing on their face because "they can"? I'm pretty sure if I could grow one, I wouldn't. I saw two guys sitting at a bus stop today both sporting a very hairy upper lip and it made me wonder. I started thinking about men that I see from time to time that also wear this crazy accessory. There's a lot of them out there. Goatees do not necessarily fall into the same category. It's a different look all together. The mustache, however, lacks the tough and masculine effect. The goatee looks like the guy started shaving in the morning, got lazy, and ultimately changed his mind and stopped right in the middle of it. That doesn't take much planning. The mustache, on the other hand, takes time and precision. It's kind of like a guy carefully plucking and shaping his eye brows. I don't mean any disrespect to those who have one, but I always think there is something sinister lurking in a mustache. What is the man hiding behind all that gross hair? What about the guys who wear them from the time they were able to grow one? Have they thought about changing things up a bit by shaving it off? I wonder if there is an air valve hidden in there that deflates the man when the mustache is removed. WHAT IS THE SECRET BEHIND THE STACHE? Whatever it is, I don't really care. Just get rid of it because it makes you look evil. Remember, Guns don't kill people, People with mustaches kill people. That's a known fact.

Another wrong doing by this generation's female youth is their choice in fashion. If it looks good on the rack, it should probably stay there. Another good rule of thumb to go by is this: if there is a cute outfit on a mannequin and your body looks nothing like that of the plastic body, you should turn around and look elsewhere for new clothes. My issue is this, why wear very tight low riding jeans unless you have a small waistline and cute ass? There are several young ladies out there that insist on wearing the trendy clothes and offend everyone within eye site. This would be the size 12 girl who wears the size 4 jeans. Her ass is pulled tight into the pants which still looks droopy and saggy, all the while her rolling belly, back fat, and "love handles" are poking out of her too small, too short, too tight top. Then there is the very short mini skirts that are out again in time for this summer to make us all sick. You know the ones. They're usually white. Holy Hell these are awful. We almost never get to see the girls with nice legs sporting this look. It's always the girls whose one large leg should equal two, so there are basically four legs coming out of this itsy bitsy skirt. Yikes. What happens when they drop something? I hope I'm not around when they bend over to pick it up. They should do us all a favor and leave it where it landed. Even if they are her car keys, she should just walk home and spare the rest of us the unnatural view of her cheesy ass. The exercise would obviously do her some good. The only girls who can pull the skirt off are usually 12 years old and at that point the parents should be arrested for tempting the weirdo pedifiles out there. Sick. I am, by no means a fashion guru. I just know what makes my eyes burn and the bile build up in my stomach. I"m sure I've offended some people out there with my comments, but they started it by offending me with their poor taste. C'mon people. Mirrors, although hurtful and cruel at times, can also be your best friend being honest with you as long as you have your eyes open. Try it.

I'm a bitch. I know.

1 comment:

Jen said...

On the flip side of it, Allan, the girls and I were strolling through Nordstrom, we went through the makeup area to get to the area we were going. Well I wasn't feeling too cute because it seemed like all the girls and woman in their looked like freakin barbies, every single one! It was the weirdest thing! I thought Allan was having a hayday w/ so many pretty girls around, but to my surprise as soon as we got out of there he said he thought he was going to puke from being around so many fake, high maintenance, botox beatches! He said that's not what real woman are, I just sighed and thought, I am so lucky! Kind of cheesy but good!!