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Tuesday, June 05, 2012

Pukes

I felt it necessary to write about this because of the magical word that came from this boring story.  I had Farrah sleep with me one night after she had an excellent week at school.  A little reward, if you will.  We sometimes watch movies together or she'll watch her own while I read.  Well, since it was a sleep-in day for us, we woke up at an unreasonable hour.  We both woke up at the same time and she looked disheveled and puffy eyed.  I could taste my ass breath and knew the greasy mess of a mop on top of my head was plastered to my skull.  I did that gross lip smacking thing that you do when you first wake up while looking at her.  She mimicked my action and spoke, "Good morning, mama."  Oh LORD!
Me:  "Farrah, your breath smells as bad as mine tastes.  Gross."
Farrah:  "Yeah, gross."
Me:  "We're both gross and smell like poop."
Farrah:  "We're pooo..ah...pukes!"
Me:  (Scream laughing) "Yes! Yes we are pukes!!!"
The word "pukes" is now frequently used in our vocabulary to describe ourselves when we are what others like to call a "hot mess".  Let's be honest with ourselves.  Hot mess?  Really?  No.  Think about it.  When you haven't showered, you passed out in whatever sweatpants and teeshirt concoction you've thrown together to fall in bed in, you can still find a piece of almond in between your teeth from your midnight snacking adventure and you look like you've been punched in both eyes because you like to rub your eyes with your fists when you first wake up and smear any leftover waterproof mascara...you are NOT a hot mess.  You are gross.  You are a puke.

Puke.

Keep in mind...this word can be used to describe just about anyone and anything just like the term "hot mess."  It's more honest.  Like this, "Oh my lord, did you see that girl? That outfit and that hair? What a puke." Caddy girls like to think they're being cute and kind when saying "hot mess" when in fact they're just ass holes like everyone else who is talking shit.  So keep it real folks.  Call it like it is.  The word will catch on and Farrah and I will be the ones who revolutionize it.  Just watch.  So try not to act like a PUKE or look like a PUKE and we won't tell anyone.  In the meantime, we'll practice the word on ourselves.

P.S.  I took a half-ass shower today, so I will proclaim myself as being a puke today.  And I will wear the word with pride until I wash it off tonight or whenever the hell I feel like it.

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