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Wednesday, March 07, 2012

Bio-terrorism

Farrah is funny.  Very funny.  But at times she can take her humor to a place that crosses an invisible line.  A few weeks ago Farrah was talking to me and then turned to me and whispered that she needed to tell me something.  She slowly walked over to me and came up to my right ear and full on SNEEZED (for real).  My kid sneezed...in my face...on purpose.  I laughed so hard and so did Farrah and so did Mike, but at the same time I knew somewhere in that moment I needed to teach her a lesson.  But what lesson can you teach a 5 year old when you are scream laughing from the fact that your kid is clever enough to come up with something so funny and sneaky?  It took me a bit to calm down and let her know this wasn't okay.  Obviously, chuckling through the whole reprimand didn't help plead my case of seriousness.  I went through the whole thing that it was "rude", "gross", "not nice", etc.  Blah, blah, freakin' blah.  Whatever.  It was funny.  However...I didn't want her to do this again.

Well, two days ago she was looking at me and walking up to me slowly then WACHOO! in my face!!!  Again, I had to try even harder this time to keep my laughter locked up and try a different approach with her.  (Mind you, so you don't think my kid is a total ass, her sneezes were mostly just loud but little to no snot or spittle hit me - but how does she sneak up like that without that awkward twisted look on her face like normal people get right before the explosive sneeze?).  I ended up telling her that what she just did was against the law.  I told her if she ever jokingly spit on me (she makes spit bubbles then laughs and might get a little on me) or sneezed at me on purpose, I'd call the cops and she'd go to jail.  Her laughter dwindled away and sadness and fear replaced her smile.  In fact, she started to get a little teary.  "Why would you call the cops on me mommy?!!"  "Because what you are doing could be considered biochemical warfare against me.  What if you sneezed sickness on me?  That is against the law and I will have to do my duty and turn you in if you do it again."  "But mommy, I don't want to go to jail.  You love me!"  "Of course I love you and I don't want you to go to jail, but you'll avoid jail time or cops coming if you stop sneezing in my face."  "BUT MOMMY!!! WHAT IF I CAN'T HELP IT?!!"  "You know when a sneeze is coming on, so turn away from me or anyone else...or we'll have to get the authorities involved."  "Okay Mama."

Yeah, I won that one.  Very cleverly I might add.

Another comical moment from Farrah was last night after playing a round of UNO.  She's very good, mind you.  She beat me...again.  But it was her victory celebration that was SO funny and not something I'd expect a 5 year old little girl (except for mine) to do.  She turned around, poked her butt towards my face, said "CH! CH!  Pkew! Pkew!"  Those are supposed to be the sounds of her cocking a gun and blasting it at me.  While she did the "pkew pkew" she popped her butt out like she was firing the "gun" at me.  She's terrible and awesome at the same time.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Keep up the good work, Kathy. Farrah will love to read this when she is older....so proud that you have kept writing.....

Anonymous said...

This is just Julie from the past, by the way

Kathy said...

JULIE!!! Miss you girl! Hope you are well and I'm so glad you're still reading this. I have another one now, too. It's based off of random memories of my life. You'll be in there, because right now I'm working on my list of jobs I've had throughout my life. ;) Take care!