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Wednesday, June 13, 2012

The Most Entertaining Travel Experience

About a week ago, I went to CA for business with Mike.  The trip itself was awesome and successful.  We met some great people and look forward to building some amazing relationships with them all, let alone doing business with them.

But what I'm writing about has absolutely nothing to do with that.  My lil' story begins at the airport on our way back to Seattle.  We were in a pretty long line for Alaska Airlines and it was moving very slowly.  Mike had me stay in line while he went to one of the kiosks to check us in and get our tickets.  While he did that, I watched the men on the other side of his kiosk, using theirs.  They were older men who had been standing there from the moment we walked through the door, got in line, Mike got us checked in, and got back in line.  They were there until we made it towards the front of the line and their wives in front of us began to panic.  At the moment that it looked like we were getting close, the counter ladies started to make announcements for anyone who was there for the 7AM flight to come to the front of the line.  Ummm....what?  One by one, people behind us started to make their way in front of us and I remember thinking, what the hell??  We were there on time and when the airlines tell us to be there: 2 hours before flight's departure.  These people were an hour late and their plane was loading. I remember when that had happened to us.  And we weren't moved to the front of the line.  In fact we were told: too freakin' bad and we'd have to wait until an airline had an opening for us.  OUR flight hadn't even started to board yet and we were still considered to late.  But I guess Alaska Airlines treats people different.  Once all the tardies made their way away from the front counter and on their way to security, there was one more person that I noticed.  A little old lady who held a paper that looked like it was printed from Expedia.com in her hands.  She walked up to an Alaska Airlines person and said, "I don't know what I'm supposed to do."  They proceeded to scoot her up to the front of the line.  Again, the rest of us were just waiting patiently for our turn that was actually 20 minutes ago.  I simply watched, entertained.  I had to mentally scold myself that she was just a little old lady that "didn't know what she was doing."  Yeah right.
She knew.
She knew.
She was another 8AM passenger along with the rest of us.  And off she went to security while the rest of us sweaty and tired people waited to flagged down for our turn.  We got checked in finally and we were on our way to security at the John Wayne airport.  Worst - Security - Ever.  Long ass lines in a tiny airport with SO many security personel.  While we waited in line, there was a man to our left who was in super panic mode while he spoke quite loudly in his cell phone, "I DON'T KNOW HONEY!! I'VE BEEN HERE WAITING FOR YOU!!  I'M PROBABLY GOING TO MISS MY FUCKING FLIGHT BECAUSE I'M SURE NONE OF THE PEOPLE IN FRONT OF ME ARE GOING TO LET ME GO AHEAD OF THEM. - Oh, thank you."  Yes, we let him in front of us.  Then a couple of  VIP fliers walked in front of us.  I couldn't help but smile and laugh then say, "Should I say no cuts-ees to them?  Because that was weird."  These two guys didn't even acknowledge that we were standing there and then they were suddenly in front of us.  How do you not realize you walked in front of two people let alone a whole line and not feel a little shitty about it?
So, we waited in this stupid long line that seemed to go on forever.  I made sure all my lip gloss and hand sanitizer was set aside so my purse wouldn't get searched again.  The yelling-cell-phone-man was still freaking out and swearing and sweating and pacing in his little space of nothingness.  He kept sighing really loud.  He made sure EVERYONE around him knew he was pressed for time.  We got it!  Someone even signaled that he go ahead to the next line that looked like it was moving faster, but no, security lady said, "These ladies were first.  You'll have to wait."  "FUCK!!!"  And my reaction?  Laughter, of course.  How was it not funny to see this poor guy get nothing but bad luck.  I turned to Mike and said, "Would it be terrible of me to wish that they pull him aside to get patted down?  Oh please, god, make him get searched."
I said this and knew...I had just doomed us.
My evil lil' wish backfired onto us.  But mostly because the John Wayne airport sucks.  I watched as some poor man was patted down and searched right in front of everyone without any privacy.  It pissed me off to see that.  Although I wished it on the yelling-cell-phone-man, this poor soul was being touched and prodded with everyone's noses pressed up against the glass wondering if he had a bomb hidden up his ass.  I think not.
The back fire for us that I clearly made happen because Karma is a bitch, but c'mon, was when we finally got to the ramp that pulled our crap through the Xray.  When it got to my box, the guy sat there staring at my shit.  He looked around trying to find some help, called for help in his walkie-talkie, and waited.
And waited.
And...waited.
Someone finally showed up to help with my purse.  "Oh, ma'am, you're not supposed to put anything on top of your lap top so it has to go through again."  Awesome.  So my stuff went to the back of the line to go through again while I stood there in shame.  Then Mike's came through. "WE'VE GOT ANOTHER WITH SHOES ON THE LAPTOP!!!"  Oh my god, this was getting too rad for words although I'm writing several.  Back to the beginning Mike's stuff went.  Because his SHOES were sitting on top of his computer.  VERY dangerous!!!
We made it through and not angry but a little entertained.
Time to load our plane...computers went down.  Of course they did.  And the lady who was checking us in while writing our tickets down on paper, was the same lady that made us sit there with our daughter in shame only a month or so ago after Disneyland because she wasn't 2 years old, but in a stroller.  Usually, the rules are "passengers who need assistance and those with children."  Both, thank you.  Strollers need special treatment at the base of where you get loaded.

Okay, finally the best part...
The little old lady who cut in front of all of us was sitting in front of us along with 2 other VERY old people.  I thought it was a great fitting for them.  I had a gal crying next to me for the majority of the trip and I constantly felt like hugging her, but that could've been weird.  But back to the older people... Mike pointed something out to me that he felt I just had to see.  He pointed out that the man sitting in the middle of the two woman was reading a Kindle in big font.  The font was SO big it only held 6-9 words to the screen.  AND Mike was able to tell me that the man was reading about anti-abortion on the NY Times.  I was laughing so hard, I thought I might scream.  It was too freaking funny and I just couldn't stop.  In fact, I wrote a note to myself that I would be writing about it, so here I am.  Probably not funny in the slightest to anyone reading this, but picture the font at a size 50...not kidding.  It was so big.  I wasn't sure who out of that group was driving, but I sure as hell hoped it wasn't him.

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