Film Critic

A few nights ago, I was going through what has been one of many restless and insomniac-ee nights. I have since sought out help and, whew, what help I have received! In any case, the other night around 4 in the morning, I gave up TRYING to get to sleep and took a trip downstairs to watch some TV. We have crappy comcast which includes the OnDemand feature. I chose to watch an old family favorite movie of mine from my early childhood: Sgt. Peppers (starring George Burns, Peter Frampton, and the Bee Gees). When I was very young, I LOVED this movie. Well, as I started to watch it, I had to ask myself what exactly I loved about it because it was about the worst piece of shit movie I've ever seen in my life. Mind you, I love the music and just might go out there and buy the soundtrack. However, it took me about 20 minutes to watch that hour and a half long movie because of the wonderful invention of "fast forward". There were several times I would roll my eyes and wonder what the hell the writer was thinking. Take some Beatles songs, listen to them, assume there is a story there, and make a movie out of it. Bad idea. I recommend watching it, though, only for the sheer pleasure of witnessing a true train wreck of a movie with some awesome music.

Okay, now for a movie that some of you weirdos out there actually enjoy. Spiderman 3. Whore-able!!! Mike and I watched it the other night and I kept quiet throughout almost half the movie. Finally, right in the middlle I belted out a loud laugh. I couldn't take it anymore. What the f**K was I watching?!!! Did Toby McGuire tell the director, "I just gotta DANCE!!" so he stuck it in there? Since when is it fun to watch a movie become some bizzarre attempt at a music video? I threw up in my mouth a little right at the beginning when Mary Jane was singing in her musical. Ugh!!! It took everything I had to stomach watching 1 and 2. Now, I was torturing myself with this stinky pile. Then Mike shared that there was going to be a 4 and 5. Good God, help us. You, know, I think there are people out there that convince themselves to their very core that they actually like these shitty movies. I'm sorry for them. Ick. Unfortunately, I will have to watch the next two Spidermans. How can I not? Who knows, there could be something cool that happens that I don't want to miss. I'll just prepare myself with a good cocktail before I turn it on and have a long list of excuses to get up and walk away. Wow, those movies jumped the shark the second Peter was bitten by the spider.