Monday, July 09, 2012

Hand Shaker

I can't be positive that I haven't already posted about this subject matter at some point or not...but if I have, it must be because it's important.  When meeting someone for the first time, I think people should take some time to evaluate how they intend to shake the other person's hand.  First, don't have a pussy hand shake.  ESPECIALLY if you're a guy.  Nothing makes me have less faith in whatever you're going to be like when I feel like I need to bow down and kiss your hand like a gentleman.  Because I'm not a gentleman.  I'm a 100 pound woman who shouldn't have a stronger hand shake than you.  Also, don't be a sweaty mess.  Hell, be honest and even tell me as you're wiping the sweat off onto your pants that your hands are all sweaty before you touch my hand.  I don't mind.  I mind, however, suddenly having a hand that I now have to wipe on my pants.  Thanks.  Finally, there are the guys that have to either prove their masculinity by trying to break my bones in our friendly greeting.  What is wrong with these people??!  I just met some guy who works out at my gym and he introduced himself to me by squeezing my hand and fingers together to the point of almost cracking something.  BE CAREFUL!!!  I'm delicate!  Also, it makes me super angry when my hand is being gripped by a stranger and I feel like I'm already in an abusive relationship with them before I can share what my name is.  When guys do that to each other, it is positively rude.  It's almost a sign of pea-cocking without actually having to puff out the chest.  It's like a game of "who's got the stronger handshake".  Well, asses, to take you seriously in any type of greeting when shaking hands, your handshake must be firm and serious but never painful.  You're just a jerk at that point whether you realize it or not.  How about you practice shaking hands with your mother or 90 year old grandmother?  Or try with a homeless man who's lost everything.  Would you be such a jerk that you would grab that man's hand and squeeze what's left of his pride out of his hand, or would you shake it like you are truly glad to meet him?

In any case, this obviously just happened.  I should've said, "Hey jackass! Nice to meet you, but how about I take a hammer and slam it down on your hand and see if that enhances this greeting.  You'd hate me about as much as I'm hating you right now."  But, I'm not that way so I let him get away with it unfortunately and he will shake someone else's hand violently and they will suffer...and I honestly don't think he is even aware that his handshake is a total put off.  Next time I see him I'll just waive.  Protecting myself.  Geez, sweaty-hands-McGee just came up and said hello and now my right hand with it's delicate bones and tendons are also covered in someone else's sweat.  Gross.

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