Talking Toys

Some of Farrah's toys talk. Sometimes they talk when you push a button...sometimes they just talk on their own. It's the ones that talk on their own that I am not a fan of. Honestly, I'm not a fan of any toys that make unnecessary noise as there is plenty of noise being made by my daughter dragging her toys across the hardwood floor, throwing them on the hardwood floor, and her insessive demanding of whatever it is that she feels she needs in that exact moment. But the toys that want to communicate when no one is playing with them, bother me just a tad. Or the toys that sound like the evil dead are talking through them; those ones get the batteries removed from their souls.

Farrah's first, and favorite I might add, toy, is her "baby". It is a puffy little doll with a cute plastic face. We purchased the doll for Farrah over a year ago. At the time, we had no idea that the baby came with a little voice box. When we did, we were quite disturbed by what it said. It wasn't that it was a night time prayer, but the voice that was used to record the prayer. You would expect the voice to be that of a child as it is a child's toy. No. It sounded like a woman pretending to be a child. At the end, the woman-child says, "Amen" in a seductive, almost evil and taunting way. It was horrific! We immediately removed it from the doll, but saved the voice box to frighten our friends and family whenever they came over. We'd make them listen to it and everyone agreed that it was a little scary.

Next, Farrah was given a puzzle from Nanna and Poppy (Lund). It is an animal puzzle that makes the animal's noise when the correct puzzle piece is put in its place. Well, it's light activated. So, anytime a light is turned off when we're heading to bed, a cat would meow, or a horse would neh, a cow would moo, whatever animal decided to speak up. It's always unexpected and therefore always scares the shit out of us.

There is a pig that you squeeze it's "hand" and it recites the Little Piggies. It's sweet and cuddly. Tonight, Farrah went to hug the pink pig when it was sad about not getting any roast beef. When she did that, she squeezed the voice box. The voice box has a woman telling the story and a child's laughter at the end. At that moment, Farrah's hug squeezed the box making the women's voice get deep and slow and the child's laughter deep and slow and therefore, evil. It was gawd awful. It even made me shout at it. I now hate that toy.

Of course, I saved the best for last. Farrah picked out a cute little African American baby for her birthday that giggles, coos, babbles, and moves its head and arms. She loves it. It, too, is light and motion activated. If all the lights are out and Mike and I are cuddling on the couch watching a movie, the change in the lighting can set that doll off. The doll starts to move and laugh and it freaks me the eff out. The worst part??? Oh, that's when Farrah has taken that creepy doll to bed with her. One night I was unable to prevent her from bringing badness into bed with her because I was out with Mike and the babysitter sent her to bed with it. When we got home around 1 in the morning, I of course decided to check on my daughter before going to bed. She was passed out, but there was a weird noise coming from her bed. The doll's voice had been turned off, but not the ability to move. The power hadn't been completely turned off. So, there was my little girl sleeping with a doll that was moving its arms and head around. I pretty much wanted to open her window and throw it out in the woods. Fuggin' scary! Why does she love the toys that scare the bajeezus out of me???

So, from now on, all of Farrah's toys will be voice box and movement free so that I can sleep at night.