So Many WTFs...

What's this?

Ewww...right?

Is that a...a...um??

NO! NO! NO! FARRAH GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE!!!!

Surprise!  It's just a blow up elephant bouncy house.  A totally innocent elephant with a dick for a trunk.  What kid doesn't love to play in something a little unknowingly pornographic?

This thing was at the Apple Blossom Festival.  This erotic elephant with its eyes rolling back in its head was chosen ON PURPOSE to be one of the many fun toys for kids to play in.  I took one look at it and thought...where's my damn phone...I HAVE to take a picture of this!!!  Keeping my ears open, I heard every adult around giggling and wondering...um, what the fuck?  It was rad.  I turned to a couple and said, "Are you seeing this?"  We were all laughing.  One lady said, "WHY A PURPLE TRUNK AND PINK END?!!!  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?"  It was so awesome.  While she didn't know why she was taking my picture, Farrah took a great one of me.  I knew the moment I saw the "exit" that this thing was getting on my page immediately.  Here's the thing...It obviously looks like a penis.  However, it also looks like a vagina.  It is a hot mess of sexuality on a children's toy.  It's a little like Disney artists who get a little bored and simply say, "Yeah, I'm going to stick a dick riiiiiight there!  They won't notice until I've long retired and it'll be too late.  Muahahahaha!"  

So, I looked at it and thought each child that exited the "tip" were a representation of the sperm that made it.  Hooray!!  Then some would come out and they'd open the exit real wide and I'd think of childbirth.  It was a rebirth!  Sometimes, it got frightening because some of those children came out in the breach position.  That's scary.  

In any case, the maker of this "blow-up-elephant-doll" is either a humorous genius, a bored genius, or some completely messed up pedophile.  Did he run out of grey fabric?  Even that would be disturbing, but I honestly feel there was a lot of thought put into this monster dick.  But even better?  The people who ordered this for Apple Blossom thought, "Yay!  Perfect!  We'll order that one for the little kids to play in because it is simply adorable and innocent.  It is free of weird looking beastiality because we would totally not be okay with that."

Well, folks who ordered that thing for the Apple Blossom Festival...you had several young children playing in and on a giant dick.  Well done.  Next time when planning things out, go through your personal "toy" drawer and if anything looks remotely close to any of those things...make sure you choose a different thing for the young children to play on.  If YOU want to play with it, fine.  Just don't expose our kids to that shit just yet, thanks.

I recall hollering to Farrah to hurry up and get the hell out of there!  WHERE WAS THE HAND SANITIZER?!!  

Gewww.