My sweet girl. You are now 14 and it has been a wild, wild journey getting here from last year. Did I say 14? It feels more like you're 20!
You will look back at this one and you'll be left shaking your head. What a year!
You were forced to grow up and face the road to 14 in a way no one was able to foresee.
To begin, by the time you finally adjusted to the idea that I had cancer, my treatments were finally over and I was in remission. You and I got to be ourselves again and it's been awesome! However, as soon as it seemed like life would get back to normal, Covid. That's all I have to say to explain what your year was like.
Remember all those times we would go to the grocery store and feel like there were just too many people and we'd joke, "We need a plague."? Whoops! When the world was still learning about it, you would get mad at me if I needed to sneeze or cough because of my allergies. "Don't do that, mom!!"
You were dismissed from school without much of a goodbye and only one of your teachers said, "It's likely this is the last time we'll be seeing each other at school this year." and that was in March. Online learning to finish the 7th grade was silly. No one knew what they were doing and it was essentially the longest summer vacation ever. We ended up making it so we were extra careful and kept to ourselves before it was even mandated. InstaCart became our way of grocery shopping and home cooked meals were more regular than usual. You honed in your baking skills! Yum! Strawberry bread, blackberry scones, cupcakes, pies, cookies, and banana bread. The gyms were closed so while this was awesome, it sucked for us, too. (Very weird writing as if it's in past tense because all these things are still happening!)
You spent a TON of your time with your art. Not only did you make several new pieces, but your style and skillsets became more and more sharpened. You sold your art! You are STILL selling your art! You are officially a business person. Well...almost. You aren't paying taxes yet, but in due time sweetheart. Your art has also been noticed and "liked" by some pretty big people, most importantly, Tyler Joseph from Twenty One Pilots. Whaaaat?!! He even liked a piece of your art as recently as last week and it was an incredible drawing.
When it was announced that Twenty One Pilots was coming out with a new song, you were beyond excited and secretively, so was I. We loved playing "Level of Concern" until we hated it. Your love for other musicians grew and your taste expanded. More Billie (more art of Billie, too), Harry Styles, Melanie Martinez, Clairo, and more. You make me listen to their music and watch their videos and I roll my eyes at some and download others. I have to say I'm still impressed with your taste.
Your clothes. Well. Hmmm. I guess your style was put on a permanent hold from the first day you had online learning. I don't think I got the memo that said your new school uniform was a hoodie with sweatpants and an occasional blanket wrapped around the ensemble as a finishing touch. It looks cute on you because it's you. From time to time, you've switched it up to jeans or shorts and a t-shirt and I don't recognize you. That's always a fun surprise. You've recently shared your love for the 90s "aesthetic". It's a look you've decided you want and you're working your way towards getting. If only I'd saved ALL my clothes from back then.
Your hair! It has changed over and over. It has changed colors and it has changed length. Back on your 13th birthday, you had it bleached and had some lavender and silver thrown in and it was so pretty. Later you added more purple to it and even later added some blues. During Covid, there was a period of time going to a salon was not an option and your only option was...me. Your trust in me is adorable, but it is placed there falsely. With zero formal training, I did everything you asked, although I should've asked more times "Are you surrrrrrre??" We went a bit short. It's been growing out, and it's getting closer to being easier to work with. You colored it hot pink with dark roots and it was soooooo cute! Loved it. Then you tried a different look...dark brown on top and super blonde underneath. It isn't your favorite and it happens to be the hardest to fix. But the incredible part of all this experimenting with your looks is your bravery! It baffles my mind. "It's just hair...it'll grow back." Even making a change from the comfy sweats to buying a dress for yourself online is brave. That's not something you normally would wear and you decided you wanted something different and you went for it. I'm proud of you for that!
Bravery. That's a big one. This year was a big year when it came to politics and social uprising that caught your attention and got you thinking. The vote for who'd be our next president, BLM, women's rights, and LGBTQ rights to name a few. I was proud when you decided to use your social media as a platform to speak out about what you believe in and to speak to others about your views. This was another learning moment for all of us, however. We worked on how to teach you about "not everything you read on the internet is true" while at the same time having to teach ourselves that we would have to listen to what you had to say if it was something you did research on and felt was important. There were lots of arguments, but mostly because the passion you have behind what you feel is right gets louder and louder and bigger than anything else in the room. There were discussions, there were debates, and there were speeches. I preferred the discussions. You've taken on adults, some students from your school online, and complete strangers and taken the time to educate others to the best of your abilities (even if they didn't see things the same as you). Yikes! We often talked about you being so driven about what's going on in society and how you'd like to see changes and what you could do about it. "Study politics!" Is that your next path? Who knows?
You're watching films that are more mature. Nooooo! "Mom, if there's sex in it just skip over it." Gross. Why aren't you watching shows like Horseland and Jessie? I miss those days. Don't worry, James will always remind me to be more vigilant when it comes to allowing you to watch certain shows (because he knows I suck at it and I NEED that reminder). You're still only 14.
You have a good heart and a good soul, Farrah. You're smart and you're funny. You say things under your breath that crack me up. You're beautiful. You're silly! We LOVE to play hide-and-seek with the dogs. And you aren't too old for me to chase you through the house until you start to "Hollywood Scream" at the top of your lungs. We all play cards together, Battleship, and other games. You've offered to help me with my job so you can get some work experience and it's been fun! We cuddle up together and if I don't give you our cheek to cheek kiss and a hug good night... have we even said good night to each other? When you plant yourself on my lap because there aren't enough chairs on the patio, it warms my heart (unless it's 90+ degrees outside, in which case, get the hell off me and find somewhere else to sit!). You stand face to face with me in hopes you might just have reached my height. You're close!
Farrah, I love you so much. I love our talks and the time we spend together. I love that we have such a close relationship where you know you can come to me with anything. Sometimes I come to you, too. You light up my world and have brought such a deeper meaning in my life than I thought possible. I'm so happy you're my daughter and I couldn't be more proud to say so.
Happy birthday, Kitten. Mama loves you.
